What the Hell?

Actual question given on a University of Washington

chemistry midterm:

"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic

(absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using

Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up

when it is compressed) or some variant. One student,

however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is

changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls

are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving.

"I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets

to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As

for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the

different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these

religions state that if you are not a member of their religion,

you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these

religions and since people do not belong to more than one

religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to

Hell.

"With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect

the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now,

we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because

Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and

pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to

expand as souls are added.

"This gives two possibilities.

"#1 If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at

which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in

Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

"#2 Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than

the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and

pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

"So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me

by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year, "That it

will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you," and take

into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having

sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and so Hell

is exothermic."

The student got the only A grade.